I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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