Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
