dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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