Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
