Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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