So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
