ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
