I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
