you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
