in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
