i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
