No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
