Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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