You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am available for nakedness
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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