This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
