She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
