i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
