My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
worst night to have a conscience
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
