Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish my penis had an off switch
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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