you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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