I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize