Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
