Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
