Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
