he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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