When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
