TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
