she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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