Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
