You can't motorboat a personality
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
