Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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