i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
