I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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