I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
