to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
