ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
