I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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