you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
