trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
