it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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