I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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