Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think my fart just growled at me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
