i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
