The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
