I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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