Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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