More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
