My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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