Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
