I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
