So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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