I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
