By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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