Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
