how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize