i may or may not be watching the land before time
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
