I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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