i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
