My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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