that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
