So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
