His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
