your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
