He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Your penis caused this!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize