You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
