I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
