They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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