im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
