You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
