So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
dude. I can hear the air.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
