matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
