Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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