Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
