wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
