I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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