Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
