well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
