i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
