he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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