I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
