Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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