two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
