They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
