you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My vagina just clenched in fear
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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