i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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