you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
