FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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