And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
