Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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