I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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