Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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