be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
