gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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