I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize