We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
