there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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