help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
