Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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