one might say we're banned from that church
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
