Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
