How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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