Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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