peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You pole danced in your parka.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
