best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
