3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
