So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize