Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize