Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
