When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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