actually, I'm a sock model
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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