You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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