ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
