he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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