is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
