i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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