oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
