Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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